Pumpkin spice and NICU beds

Lucy turned two on Monday, which has drummed up a bunch of different, somewhat fleeting, feelings for me over the past week.
The feels get me at the most randomest times, and make me think of all of the things Andy and I had to endure two years ago.
I ordered my first Pumpkin Spice iced coffee from Starbucks last week, and it took me right back to Lucy's first week home.
Pumpkin Spice syrup always comes out around the first week of September, and being sleep deprived, Andy and I hit up the drive through what seemed like almost every day during her first few weeks home.  
I think from now until she's all grown-up, Pumpkin Spice will make me think of baby Lucy (and they better still have it then!)
The past few weeks, every time I've driven north on Highway 65 from Roseville, I think of sitting in the backseat on the way home from the hospital, with Lucy next to me.
And just driving past Kaiser Roseville, but especially visiting it for doctor's appointments, always make me think of the week I spent there after she was born.

Her whole birth experience was exciting, scary, fun and traumatizing all at the same time.  I look at the photo on the left and I am just so thankful that everything turned out well in the end.  Seeing my little baby hooked up to tubes and wires was terrifying, and not knowing if she was going to be okay for the first few days was something I wouldn't wish upon anyone. There are days that I sometimes take for granted the silly, vibrant and smart two-year-old I have (especially when she's being mischievous) but then I think of how bad things could have gone and I thank my lucky stars.
The cooler mornings we've been having remind me of waking up and hobbling down three stories with milk I'd pumped the night before to the NICU so Andy and I could change her diaper, take her temperature and attempt to nurse her and then give her the milk I'd brought with me.  
We'd hang out for awhile, I'd pump and we would wait for the doctor to make his rounds so we could hear about her platelet and white blood cell counts and how close we would be to taking her home.
For the six days she was in NICU, it was pretty much a lather, rinse, repeat type of thing.  Wake up, pump, go down to the NICU for a few hours, go upstairs and take a nap or relax until the next feeding.  We would do that until 8 p.m., and I would skip going down for the midnight and four a.m. feedings, and sorry not sorry, because I needed my sleep!  I feel a little guilty saying this, but when we had Jackson, I sort of missed skipping the early morning feedings like I did with her because he roomed with me.
I think about watching "Friends" during my middle of the night pumping session, and making fun of the show "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant" with Andy.  I mean, who doesn't know they are pregnant until they give birth to a full term baby in a toilet?  Come on!
I think of our supportive family bringing us food for lunch and dinner.
I remember before we had Lucy our dogs were our babies, and I sent Andy home each night so the boys wouldn't be lonely.  And once I'd been discharged going home to see them, and they were so happy, and I burst into tears because I felt like I was more worried about my dogs than my baby at the time.
But even though she was in the NICU, I always knew she would be okay and I think that's what got me through such a scary time.  Sure, the thought that maybe her platelet count wouldn't go up crossed my mind, but as her numbers kept going up and up, I knew she was going to be okay.  Life would be a little hard for awhile with having to keep her isolated form other people, but that was a temporary and necessary measure to keep her healthy.

And in the end, it totally paid off, and we have a loud, opinionated and smart toddler running around our house.  I cannot wait to see what the next year brings for our little girl!