Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Baby's first Christmas


Was just a tad stressful, not going to lie.  
Our little peanut gets just a wee bit overwhelmed in large groups, and as I've done more and more research, learned is pretty common for babies.
Over-stimulation at it's finest, Andy and I took turns holding our screaming Mimi in a dark room playing a white noise app on our phones.
This happened at the Dumm Family Christmas Party, Christmas Eve morning at Andy's mom's house, Christmas Eve night at his dad's and Christmas dinner at my grandparents.
Although now that I think about it, she's pitched a fit when we're visiting just his mom and grandma, or my parents.  It's usually on days where she's been on a nap strike. 
This holiday definitely went by in a blur.  I feel like I wasn't really present at each family event because I was either in the thick of things with an upset baby or in a different room with her finally sleeping.
I think we both felt that way.  To anyone who feels like I wasn't fully listening when they were talking to me at these events, I'm sorry, but I wasn't.  Is this that mommy brain people talk about?
A big thing I learned from hubs is that my anxiety over feeling judged by family members when she's screaming her head off after reaching her socializing limit makes it harder for me to calm her down.
I can't help it.  I feel so self conscious, like I'm failing, when I can't get her to calm down right away.  That coupled with people staring (not in a mean way, but in a, "Hey, that baby who is my relative is crying" way) and then offering advice on what might make her stop adds to my anxiety.
The last straw usually arrives around this comment, "Oh, I don't mind that she's crying."
Sometimes that's said when someone else is holding her, she's screaming, and they don't want to give her up, since they don't mind it.
Well, I don't like hearing my baby scream.  So hand 'er over.  And for goodness sake, stop staring while I dig in my bag of tricks for a way to soothe Goose, and making comments.  It shifts the contents of that bag and makes it harder to get them out.
Andy and I are really the only ones who are able to talk her off the ledge when she's that upset.
Which worries me for when we're actually ready to have someone babysit her so we can have a date sans baby.
Sometimes I worry that the reverse isolation has made her a mama and daddy's girl, but to that I say nay because she gets out pretty frequently.
I think something people forget is that everything. is. new. to a baby.
Every new face, and every new smell, sound, sight, temperature change and texture when out, whether it be at a beloved grandparents house or the grocery store, is processed by a baby as something new to learn and remember.
Adults can get over-stimulated, too, but it takes a lot for that to happen, and it's usually by the end of the day.  We know how to relax, and babies don't.
We can put on Family Guy, stretch out on the couch and doze off.
Babies need some help in the form of a dark room, a bottle (or boobage) and a soothing sound to get them to chillax.
I'm so grateful that Andy and I were able to work as a team and figure out how to soothe Lucy.  By the time the next family events comes around, or even a visit to someone's house on a nap strike day, we'll know how to soothe her sooner.
During the moments when she was calm, it was nice to be with family, enjoying their company.
I think next year will be a lot more fun, since she'll be one and hopefully walking and ripping wrapping paper up.
I don't want it to go too fast though.  She's already 16 weeks and I feel like that's way to old.  I just want this to slow down, so I can savor every baby moment.

4 comments:

Stacie said...

Steph, if it means keeping her close in a sling, or taking off from family events early, just do what you've gotta do. I don't get the thing where everyone wants to "hold" a baby when they first meet them. We don't do that to other adults, or even kids, until we know them really well. Why do we want people to hand off their most defenseless little babies to us at first glance? Don't get me wrong, if you're dying to go to the bathroom or struggling to get your jacket on, I'll help you out, but in the same way offer to hold your SBUX cup or beer. Anyhow...

Stephanie Dumm said...

I think people just really like holding babies, but forget that they are little humans who deserve to have a say in what happens to them. With other there seems to be a sense of entitlement, and that makes me crazy! I love using the sling, it definitely helps to make the both of us feel secure.

Patrick said...

I just want you to know I judge you whenever your baby is screaming. It's no illusion.

Stephanie Dumm said...

Haha, oh Patrick...